Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
