Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
