I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
