i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
