There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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