I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
