Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
