Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
