He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
