there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
