You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
