Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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