I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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