and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
