Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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