My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
