i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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