Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
