I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Alive.
So much puke
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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