why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
