Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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