New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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