The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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