you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
