How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
