My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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