it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
