So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
