I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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