whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
