I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
