how can u be prego again
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
