Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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