i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
