Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
