I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need to align my fucking chakras
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
