She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
