I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
