I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
