Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
