no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
