Who did Billy Mays play for?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
