was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
