Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i think i just lost a toe
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
