Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
