I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Randomize
