i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
