dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
