We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you would pick up someone in the library
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
