A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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