dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
