He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
