If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
