i would punch a child for taco bell
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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