handjob tips. give me some.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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