Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
