thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
