Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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