from now on my penis is your penis
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
