Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
