Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
